Practice what you preach

I spend a lot of time coaching people.

Five Post-It notes, a pen and an hour somewhere quiet has helped unlock something inside dozens of colleagues. 

Their frustrations with work but ultimately life brought out into the open. And sometimes for the first time a realisation that they are more in control than they realised.

Three small steps taken in seven days return that sense of wellbeing. Back in charge they feel a bit better.

And feeling better ultimately means life and work are a little happier.

Every time I go through this process I have a mini crisis of confidence that it won't work with this particular colleague.

But it always does.

And almost without exception the five most important ingredients of their ideal job are not the first five Post-It notes placed on the table.

In fact the sixth, as there is always a sixth, is not only normally the most important motivational driver, but it is also the one with the lowest score out of ten.

Isn't that interesting that in the thirty or so people I've coached in the last three years, without exception the most important thing to them in life wasn't something they were aware of.

So why do I share this with you?

Today I feel low.

I'm not sure why. It could be I'm simply tired. Or hungover. Or both.

Or more likely one or more of my five Post-It notes is below par.

In fact maybe I'm not clear any more what my five really are.

So here goes. Off the top of my head:

1. Work life balance
2. Receiving praise and recognition from people I respect
3. Being perceived to be an expert
4. Being in a role where my creativity is celebrated not seen as disruptive
5. Inspiring others

Now if I were coaching me (this could get a bit weird) I would ask what the difference was between 2, 3 and 4. Aren't they one of the same?

For 2, this is about seeking out feedback knowing that I need it to feel a sense of well-being. When it is in short supply I feel anxious. I experience self doubt. I get that imposter syndrome thing.

Number 3 is the chip on my shoulder. The son of a world renowned scientist, I too want to be respected by peers in my industry for my craft. Albeit I'm not daft enough to think I'll ever get an OBE like my dad.

Number 4? Creativity is part of my wiring. I love the chance to problem solve. And join dots together. I used to think social media was my only outlet. But actually it turns out that was just a convenient coincidence for a year or two.

If I were to score them all out of ten what would they get based on how I feel today and the job I do?

Here goes:

1. Work life balance (8/10)
2. Receiving praise and recognition from people I respect (7/10)
3. Being perceived to be an expert (5/10)
4. Being in a role where my creativity is celebrated not seen as disruptive (6/10)
5. Inspiring others (7/10)

So it turns out the expert one is where I'm not content. Which ironically is a result of being recognised this week as the 13th most influential social media person in the UK. Hilarious I know.

My reaction to the accolade in itself is interesting. I thought it would make me feel good. And it doesn't.

Anyway there is always a sixth one. What is it? Numbers 2 & 3 are one of the same. I need another different one.

Winning. It's winning.

I enjoy winning. I'm competitive. It's my dirty secret. Like some people who want to earn more money but don't like to admit it. I like to win.

What score out of ten would I give it? 3/10.

So what three things can I do in the next seven days to get that from 3/10 to 4/10?

How confident am I and how committed am I to do them?

Hmm. Here goes...

1. To win in anything you need world class people around you. If you want to get better play with the best. I'm going to book my next trip to San Francisco.

What else?

2. I'm going to start reading a book on winning. I'll Google some in a minute.

What else?

This is harder than I thought. One step to get it from a three to a four.

3. I'm going to push the boat out on something I'm working on. Winners take chances and go with their gut?

Boom.

How confident am I that I can do all three in the next seven days? 100%. How committed am I? 100%.

So my new five are: 

1. Winning
2. Work life balance
3. Receiving praise and recognition from people I respect / being perceived to be an expert
4. Being in a role where my creativity is celebrated not seen as disruptive
5. Inspiring others

So the one I wasn't aware of an hour ago is possibly the most important motivational factor.

How do I feel now? Better. More in control. And not as low as an hour ago.

Maybe it's just the hangover wearing off. But I don't think so.

This is mad. I started this blog feeling depressed. And now I don't.

Hopefully as you read it this makes sense. If not don't worry. I wrote this for me. And it worked a treat.